How'd it feel making her break her religion?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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