Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
