Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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