i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize