Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dignity is for republicans.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
