Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
