i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
