Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize