Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
