I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
