I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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