Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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