I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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