Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
