U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
