after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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