This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
