All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
