Yo dont text me then not text me
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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