I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
