i think i have herpe
just one?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
