WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
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