I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
