Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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