idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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