Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
