I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
