i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
