: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
