Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
