i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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