Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
