at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
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When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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