we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
