I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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