ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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