This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
