i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
