I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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