using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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