I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
