She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
