Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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