You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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