You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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