12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
