did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize