420 ftw
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
