There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
