So drunk, too bad you don't want this
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
