i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
