Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
