I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
