farters have to be the big spoon...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
