You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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