haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
