Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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