I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Swine flu is the new snow day.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
