just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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