I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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