I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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