Your mouth is God's brothel.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
