their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
