Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize