i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
