How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
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Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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