I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Alive.
So much puke
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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