We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
